Sunday, November 2, 2008
Faithful in the Waiting
So often, I think of my own obedience to God in terms of DOING His will, SERVING Him, ACCOMPLISHING great things for His Kingdom. And, it's just so easy to judge others by what I SEE happening in their lives.
It's in our nature, isn't it, to focus on outer things? It's why we have the cliche "to judge a book by its cover"; it's why Jesus accused the Pharisees of being "white-washed tombs".
But I've found myself in an unfamiliar season of my faith: NOT doing (at least, in my own perspective). I suppose I had a sense of anticipation for this, when I blogged this a couple months ago:
"... I sense that my role in youth ministry is going to have to be more defined and less all-encompassing than it has been in the past. I dread the moments when I am going to have to, at some point, say NO to myself, my students, and worst of all, to my husband. But I don't see a way around that if I'm going to keep myself and my marriage healthy for the long term."
As I prayerfully sought God's direction on my commitments for the year, I was more than a little confused when His overwhelmingly direct response was simply, "WAIT!".
"Wait"? What do you mean by that, God? Shouldn't I be, like, doing something for You? What exactly, am I waiting for?
But, the clarity of this instruction, and the peace that encompassed it, have subdued the questions that have sprung up within me.
So, I'm attempting to teach myself a new way of thinking. I'm reminding myself that I'm just as valuable to God even when I'm not teaching a Bible Study or planning a mission trip. (Oooh, how that irks my productivity-oriented nature!) I am seeking to diligently and patiently listen for His voice. I am making myself more available. To God, to others. I'm trying to not try so hard.
Because, to God, our hearts are even more important than our actions. And my obedience to His instruction to WAIT is more valuable right now than all the self-satisfying things I could come up with to do in His name.
Ultimately, my desire must not be for specific deeds or accomplishments in my life, but faithfulness to my Lord. Even when all He asks me to do is wait.