Milestones on my Journey

We have all had certain experiences or encounters that, though seemingly inconsequential at the time, have had a profound effect on the rest of our lives. A few of those major experiences for me have been spiritual in nature, and have shaped the core of my identity.

My mission trip to Ireland when I was 13, for example. I simply knew I was supposed to go on that trip (my first encounter with that still small voice, I think). I wasn't conscious at the time that my concept of the missionary - evangelist - "superchristian" was to be eroded away. After all, if God can work through a self-conscious 13 year old girl, He can surely use anyone!

Another profound experience for me was leading our junior high youth group through the 30 Hour Famine for the first time. Newly married, I had all kind of concepts about what I "needed" to furnish our apartment home. After going through the studies and videos provided by World Vision for the youth event, I was completely floored by how badly I'd confused my wants with my needs. God was starting to break my heart for the poor, though I didn't know yet what that meant for me.

The next 'breakthrough' moment for me came during a general seminar at the National Youth Workers Convention in 2004. These seminars are always encouraging and thought provoking, but one in particular cut right through to my heart. The speaker was Princess Kasune Zulu, a Zambian woman who spoke about the effects of AIDS in her country, and her dramatic story of how she has been affected personally.

After the seminar concluded, our group headed to lunch at the nearest Del Taco, but I was so overwhelmed I wasn't able to get out of the car. I just sat back and sobbed. God was piercing my heart, taking me to a new level of brokenness: so painful, but so undescribably right.

What I most remember Princess specifically saying was how other governments had begun to provide assistance to those in need in Africa, money for food and HIV tests and treatments. And that was all good. But, despite all of that, the church should have already been there.


The church - God's chosen means to demonstrate His love, His care, to pray for the sick, to provide for orphans and widows, the church - had missed it's call. It had fallen down. And in that moment, I cried, not just for the sick babies and widows forced into prostitution and all the horror that goes with poverty, but at the realization that when we as a church, we as individuals, do not live out the purpose God has designed us for, the world suffers. There are horrible consequences to our resistance to 'get involved'. And I was just as much a part of that as anyone.


It's funny to me, that at the time I had no overwhelming call to go to Africa, or sponsor an AIDS baby, or anything that specific. Some people are called to do those things. Others are made for a different purpose. But at that moment, a veil was lifted from my eyes, and I received a glimpse of what could be possible - what God might accomplish through His people if we were only willing. What suffering might be alleviated. What lonely people could experience love for the first time. What freedom might ring if we chose to stand up for the oppressed. What joy might resound if we loved the Lord with ALL of our might.

All that to say, I made a decision that day: I don't want to miss an opportunity; I want to fulfill my purpose. Have there been other milestones in my life, in my journey of faith? Sure. And I pray that there will be many more.

I suppose I share all this with you now, because I just learned that Princess Kasune Zulu will be sharing in a local church this Friday, and I am elated to go and see her again. God has brought me oh so far since that afternoon in the Del Taco parking lot, and I know He ain't done with me yet.

Praise God.

Stefan's Desert Experience

I just got this e-mail from one of my former world race teammates, Stefan. He is leading a group of South Africans on a similar journey around the world this year, called the Global Challenge. He reports:

We currently find ourselves on the edge of the Sinai Desert in Egypt. A few days ago we as a group spent the night on top of Mount Sinai… You will remember that this is where God spoke to Moses as a friend and also gave him the 10 commandments. It was a cold and windy night, but I tried to spend it in silence. Sleeping on the rocky-Plato, I tried to imagine myself what it must have been like for Moses all alone on that mountain for 40 days. I also wondered if he maybe slept facing the stars on that same rock I was lying on… and also, was he as cold as I.


So many great things have surfaced in us as a “church”. As a team we are in the process of reflecting on what God has done in and through our lives in the past few months. Just last night we had a session on: What is your destiny?

I would like to just share with you some highlights that came out of this:

The first question that was asked to the group was:

“What in this world would be the one thing that you could change if you had the chance?”

In the comments that followed we had various candidates standing up for almost every challenge mankind face today: Poverty, abuse, immorality, equal opportunities, world evangelism, education… to name a few. In each case there was someone in the team who felt in some way a burden for one of these causes…

The conversation progressed further to what could stand in you way of contributing to these causes…

Some of the things mentioned were: unbelief, pessimism, negativity, lack of support and us looking at the big picture and thinking our own contribution would be insignificant.

Taking part in this open ended conversation we actually led ourselves to the answer:

Surely it is in Gods plan that men are saved, people fed, children educated, abuse stop… and lives are changed. However where this all start is actually very simple.

Each one of us, you included have the opportunity to make a difference. I believe God wants all of us to be surrendered instruments in His hands. Instruments that is obedient and willing to be used in which ever way He chooses. We should live from the vantagepoint that God believes in us to do His work on earth and that for Him to use us we need to be faithful.

For God to use you to build a thousand orphanages through out Africa, you will have to start with one. For you to be a world evangelist, you will have to start with one. For you to lead others to a better life, you yourself should live that life.

It is my prayer that as we travel through Africa in the last few months of this year, God will help us to be obedient and faithful in the small things, so that we will in future also be faithful in the great things.

Please continue to pray for us.

Thank you for all your support!

On the Eve of My New Career

I should already be in bed, but I had to share one story before I sleep.

Tonight was the Annual Meeting for Fair Oaks Church, our new church home and my new employer. More than 200 people were in attendance to receive reports from individual ministry leaders on the previous year's ministry goals, to review the church's financial reports, and to hear about plans for the upcoming year.

I learned a lot about the church, including the fact that hiring a youth pastor was one of the church's ministry goals at last year's meeting. They searched for 13 months before the Lord brought me here, which means that they were looking to hire a youth pastor even before I left for the World Race last year. If only God would have brought me here last year instead, I could have saved the church the trouble!

But the Lord, in His wisdom, knew that He needed to lead me all the way around the world before bringing me back here to Northern California, in order to prepare me for what lies ahead.

As they introduced me tonight and brought me forward, a cheer went up from the crowd (in no small part, led by a quartet of high school girls seated at our table). I was honored to have J.C. and Russ, the church's volunteer junior high and high school directors respectively, lay their hands on me and offer prayers of dedication. They prayed for protection for my marriage, for God's vision for the youth ministry at Fair Oaks to be clear to me, and they thanked God for the heart that He has given me. As these prayers rose up to the Lord, I felt this wave of peace and gratitude wash over me. A reminder that God's Presence is with me, and that He goes before me in everything I do.

Pastor Steve handed me the mic and asked me if I'd like to say a few words, and if you know me, you know I said, "Yes." And as I began to thank the body for the love they have shown Katherine and me, I couldn't help but get a little choked up. God has given me such a tender heart for this church, and for its teenagers in particular. Tears come to my eyes when I think about them for any amount of time, even as I type this.

I welcome this brokenness, and I receive it as yet another lesson from the Lord, teaching me what it means to be His shepherd.

The Place to Start...

I guess, first off, I should explain the name, "Feed My Sheep." As some of you may have already guessed, it is a reference to the conversation between Jesus and Peter found in John 21:15-17.

The one question Jesus has for Peter is, "Do you love Me?"

Peter answers, "Yes, of course, Lord. Of course I love You."

Jesus' reply is a command. "Feed my sheep."

A few months ago, as I sat under a tree in an arboretum in Kenya, I had a similar conversation with the Lord. I was praying about the future, and what would happen upon my return to the States. I asked God, "Who am I really? Because You made me, you must know, so tell me, Lord, who am I?"

His answer welled up out of my heart like a whisper, like the soft-spoken word of a father to his son: "You are my shepherd."

A smile crept across my lips, and I knew in my heart that this was true and right. I flipped my Bible open to the concordance and looked up all the entries under the heading of "shepherd." I savored every passage. Each and every one of them described either who I am, or who I want to be. My character, my heart, my hopes and dreams. I am God's shepherd.

Soon after that, Katherine and I began praying and searching for a youth pastor position for me back in the States. This coming Monday, just about four months after that day under the tree in Kenya, I'll begin my new career as Minister to Youth and Young Adults at Fair Oaks Church in Concord, California.

So, the title of this weblog is something of an exhortation for me. I do love Jesus with all my heart, and I want to show Him my love. I want to feed His sheep.

And I have to give credit where credit is due; it was my Ever-Lovin' Wife who came up with the name.